Hello Wed Eclectic readers, we all know planning anything is fraught with danger since things can go wrong for no reason. This generally leads to one thing, STRESS!
Now stress makes us do some silly things but we need to remember one thing, KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON! In the end of the day, the show must go on or you would have wasted your time and money so in this series of KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON blog posts I will attempt to address potential problems which as a bride or groom you will face while planning a wedding.
So I would like to kick off the series with pestering relatives and in-laws.
All of us either know someone or heard of someone who has in-laws/relatives from hell. These stories generally boil down to the in-laws/relatives butting in when they are not needed but lets examine the reasons as to why they do this?
Firstly, they could honestly believe that they are being helpful! They know weddings are very important and stressful times so they offer suggestions and “constructive criticisms” (which are never really constructive). Secondly, they want to be part of the wedding. They do not often get involved with weddings so when someone close to them is getting married they want to be part of it and just barge in. Thirdly, they feel an obligation or duty to help. This is different to the first reason because these people do not really want to get involved but feel they have to because they are expected. And fourthly, they are cruel people and want to make your life hell.
Lets sort out in what my opinion the most easiest one, the fourth reason.
If it is the fourth reason, I’m afraid the answer it to ignore them as much as possible and do your own thing. These people will never be happy with your choices and even if you cater for their every whim, they will still complain. They are the sort of people who probably find fault in everything and it is not your fault if they are sulking in the corner on your wedding day. In fact, if you want to get your own back on them, make their life hell on your wedding day. Do something that will annoy them and have a good laugh about it.
Now the next one is the third one, the ones who feel obligated to help but don’t really want to. This can be tricky because you do not want offend them especially if they are one of your elderly relatives who have a high standing in the family hierarchy. Maybe gently tell them that it is not necessary for them to do anything will be enough to get rid of them because they have never told before. However if they still feel the need to help then give them something simple to do like herding the guests on the wedding day or passing out wedding programmes. It will give them the feeling of helping without them getting under your feet.
The first and second reasons require a little bit more diplomacy and I recommending delegation here. Treat them like an employee and you, as a manager would like their help on say table decorations or wedding favours. Give them a brief that you would like them to follow, people they have to work with and deadlines that they have to meet. This should give them a warm feeling that they are being helpful and involved on your special day and hopefully keep them occupied so they are not constantly bugging you. Another good thing about delegation is that they will be doing all the legwork for you and hopefully all you will be doing is making the executive decisions while enjoying a nice glass of wine/cup of tea. But remember you will have to be firm but not strict with them because you don’t to come across as a bridezilla. Of course the opposite effect of delegation is that they could be scared off but that could be seen as a positive thing as it means they are now out of your hair.
When I was organising my wedding day I had the first and second problem and of course I went with delegation. My parents was responsible for my wedding menu and cake while my mother-in-law was responsible for table decorations and maintaining contact with the the registrar and reception. This worked well for me since I was planning a wedding that was 4 hours drive away, so it took some of the stress away and it meant my relatives were not constantly asking me for information.
So remember, if you have pestering in-laws/relatives, keep calm and carry on by either, ignoring them, assigning tasks or delegation.
(aka Kitty Kanzashi)
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